greyer

2009-01-02T05:07:00.000-08:00

trudging through this freaking cobweb-ed space
i shall rant to myself
it's another new year (damn, nineteen reads old)
it's so hard to actually do a reflection on 2008,
the mind just get stuck when you have the intention to remember, to reminisce or whatever
my memories flow better at random times
i guess the main gist of it, i would never regret going to saint andrews
i love the happy, crazy moments
and i generally don't remember all the nasty ones (or try not to)
i meet amazing people, all different and whether we eventually get along or cease to talk,
it's still an awesome experience.
i don't deny frustrations, alevels isn't easy and i think the fatigue and emoness i display or anyone displays (in fact, i think everyone had this moment at least once during the course of jc life haha) are like shit.
all the same, being optimistic (yeah, like that sounds like me haha), it says alot about us jc kids who eventually survived.
yes i know, the academic verdict is still pending and i refrain from dwelling further or i freak myself out.
at least i think, emotionally or mentally there was development for me (i hope), even though i never felt so helpless or hopeless in the course of study before.
i do remember a teacher saying she believes in me, wow i guess that helps abit
even though that wouldnt help me ace anything really
at least i know at that moment, someone has more faith in me than me myself
of course there are my beloved friends
some i know i can count on, all i expressed by what means i can
i know i will miss the school days, and i will imagine doing the same (but boring no more) routine because although i may not realise it before, the somewhat rigid schedule assigns certain sense of security and assurance. i dont worry about what i may encounter, because at a specific time, at a specific place, specific people will be there after all.
know what i mean?

of course, old friends never cease to disappear
we do crazy stuff at the end of the year
the immediate memory would be the stormy night cycling
the red rain is intimidating and mesmerizing at the same time
i think we are insane,
and boy, do i love every minute of it haha
we're tight.

resolution?
well, i will figure out along the way
may all the important things in my life stay important
and all that i want to be important become important
if that makes sense to anyone but me

that is one long rant.

2008-12-02T07:26:00.000-08:00

something's not right,
this place should be uhh happier, since the 21st?
let's just take it as that i was having the time of my life since and therefore was too busy to update okay.
or...i was lazy

a part of me is all hyped up for all the outings in the world, partaaay till i drop dead
while the other part just wants to know that, every morning when i open my eyes, there are no obligations or appointments i have to commit myself to (and bascially just rot)
so that i can curl up on my couch and read a book till the end of time (actually not, it is till my neck starts to ache so im forced to do some stretching) except it's hard to find books i want to read now. do i really have to buy them :(

yes yes, i should find a job, except that i feel like i have been working for the past 2 years, longer than office hours on most of the days and even bringing home my work (yes homework). okay i'm exaggerating, i should get a job soon. anyone dying to offer me recommendation? ahh the couch is smiling at me again, couch or job? hahah

and one SMALL part (small okay, just in case anyone flips) of me, the nerdy part wants to... never mind, just leave it as that. sometimes im still caught in the time and space between chem mcq and lit p5, somethings never meant to end maybe

nevertheless, i had fun with the outings i had so far and many many more to come
so many fun plans conjuring in that dusty space in my brain while i persist in a brainless life for just a while more.

2008-11-19T07:16:00.000-08:00

i am in control of everything
because im throwing it all away.

2008-11-15T04:42:00.000-08:00

avenue Q :)

2008-11-12T04:42:00.000-08:00

oh why oh why did it kill me along the way
oh why oh why am i so bothered about it.

i need something that i need.

2008-11-10T05:11:00.000-08:00

haunted.
i hate to be despondent,
i think i can lie here forever.

2008-11-07T04:27:00.001-08:00

tell me i can.
dang.

2008-10-29T07:34:00.000-07:00

to prove yourself right,
you don't have to prove that others are wrong.
interesting?
because i don't think many think that way now.

i see freedom
its proximity, its chill, yet cosy touch.
what comes after freedom?
therein lies the fear,
but not in the stacks of papers
which i am supposed to fill
to convince some old man in england
who don't even know me
that i may have the potential to further my studies.
By the fireplace, in winter,
far far away in Cambridge,
i hope old men are nice, like in fairy tales,
(ironic, when these old men are out to kill all innocence and hope
and whatever is left in kids, okay old kids like us)
and nice enough to strangers,
strange kids under the rule
of studies.
no, i think they are the big bad wolves.

shucks, ramblings.

2008-10-23T07:23:00.000-07:00

boiling initially
stupid people could accuse you
and i dont even know the real reason
and on and on and on
my tolerance is very high, congrats
i can't care less about the possible
mistakes i may have committed
because the frivolous, insignificant
comments are, then repulsive, now amusing
i regret keeping cool
but im glad i did, despite having the choice of
giving the finger
calmly deliever the four lettered word
or anything that shows that im equally uncouth
i wonder if that is work-life
i rationalised, if that is the most meaningful thing you can find to attain satisfaction
who am i to deny you, especially since im more privileged to more significance things,
i will see it as sympathy, a gift to my fellow friends in the neighbourhood.
there, time to move on with life.
no, i didn't say there aint no third finger the next time round.

2008-10-21T08:24:00.000-07:00

when i think the world hates me,
do i actually hate the world?

these turbulences,
i don't remember being familiar.

2008-10-15T04:08:00.000-07:00

unraveling,
this is the closest i ever get to the edge
or is it?
and everytime it happens
yes, painfully aware that it has happened many times
the sense of denial prompts me to reflect
is the distress worth it?
there is more to life, more to life
though i never asked what the 'more' consist of
until i return to reality and yes
somehow i must get over the mountain
or at least crawl over
nice rain, almost like a MTV
but the pain stays after the song ended
you see, no one really knows how i feel
because i probably dont too, most of the time
i hope God knows,
because i think it's beyond me now.
unfortunately, and fortunately, something in me is still very much alive.
it's okay, He knows.

2008-10-05T07:35:00.000-07:00

hello world,
or rather hello me

You can't make footprints in the sands of time by sitting on your butt.
And who wants to leave buttprint in the sands of time?
Bob Moawad

what happens if i become accustomed and rooted to my desk
forever and ever and ever and ever.

2008-09-24T07:39:00.000-07:00

i'm an individual
entitled to myself,
me.

wasn't any selfishness
but from the look of things,
like hello,
i'm not subjected to
your schedule
your major plans
your appeals
because for one thing,
you didn't listen to my reply
even though you asked

do i look like i don't need it.
while i'm all shrivelled inside
tormented, demented,
i don't waste others time.
but because of that,
i don't have much myself.
all i'm asking for is...

forget it.
it's just me.

2008-09-21T06:33:00.000-07:00

not full blast.
if you invest everything into something
so that there is so much things after it,
what if it doesn't happen the way you
dreamt it to be for like gazillion years.

random.
home.

2008-09-17T05:30:00.000-07:00

add more control
sprinkle some optimism
don't turn off the lights for the path
take a few deep breaths
smile for the flashing cameras
if you are not doing this for yourself
do it for the sake of doing it
is it time to go offstage?

im starting to be irritating,
to myself.
dumbass.
i give you one more chance.

2008-09-14T03:06:00.000-07:00

crazycrazycrazy

i skip skip skip to swensens on thurs...
just sitting around and laugh and eat

hop hop hop to badminton on fri...
alright fav sport! great company! and imbalanced arms..
im already hungry for the next session.

jump jump jump to town with val later that night...
talk talk talk and laugh gazillions, shit the phototaking is seriously damn funny

roll roll roll to serena's house on sat for yummy lunch and pool...
next fav sport! few company but still :D fun nonetheless

(sleep) rush rush rush to units midautumn bbq...
units yay, the bag/purse/idontknowwhatitiscalled is cool :D
it was fun,
i want to spit ice again -.-

when all comes to an end, sleep can be the next best alternative and that's my sunday.

now it's sprinting again,
dang i can't see anything ahead.

2008-09-10T04:09:00.000-07:00

i was with the ability,
notably nervous
but warmed up
at the starting line.
the starter's gun fires
so the race began and
ended.

i don't know why i didn't run.

2008-09-06T08:07:00.000-07:00

do you know
when you really want to/need to/must cough
and you try your best to hold it in
because you have been doing it for godknowshowmanytimes
...
...
you will
...
cough.

try it. but of course we all have better things to do
when we are not coughing.
how interesting.

the engine is slowly fixed.
driver needs cough syrup.

2008-09-03T06:09:00.000-07:00

now is NOT the time to be
weak and sickly.
but...
now is NOT really the time to
yearn for sleep and ache like crazy
but...
and now is not the time to blog
uh but...

i know, i know.
i need some external current to recharge.

2008-08-29T09:13:00.000-07:00

i want to go back to then so badly,
so badly i can't believe myself, oh gosh.
reason?
the reason isn't really the point here
the reason may not be all pleasant or attractive or even valid, or it may be.
gazillion of factors, multitude of feelings
and perhaps great magnitude of heartache.
what do you call this experience?
a situation where you just want to sit on the floor, whine, laugh, roll (or frolick) with hysteria, (maybe swear)
and repeat the whole process again. and oh, to shout it's not time to grow up yet!
no word will do of course, otherwise it won't be so special.

there, that's what a day can do to you.

haha
maybe, just maybe we have a hotel for us to build (:

a nice song -
Like a Knife
by Secondhand Serenade
Goodbyes are meant for lonely people standing in the rain
And no matter where I go it's always pouring all the same.
These streets are filled with memories
Both perfect and in pain
And all I wanna do is love you
But I'm the only one to blame.

no, not emo,
it's uh reminiscencing?
HAHA (:

2008-08-27T23:11:00.000-07:00

when you fail to see anything in the future,
it's not a death sentence,
it's a chance to mould what's left
making sure only the best will possibly happen
with the effort starting from now.

if we all know that rainbow comes after a storm
are we scared of the temporary disaster,
or are we afraid that nature will fail us
or are we imagining too much of the ruins and debris against the coloured sky?

2008-08-17T08:41:00.000-07:00

people,
dont wait till the moment to regret,
regret now.
people,
don't save the last breath for the finishing
lest you are finished first.
people,
store all the laziness for winter,
the spring calls for vigor and success.
people,
shine a smile,
what is it now but a mile.

2008-08-14T06:33:00.000-07:00

i am not a receptionist
i am not a machine
i am not supernatural
i am not a sage
i am not anything or everything
i am not bursting
i am not stressed, okay?

not okay,
bloody hell.

2008-08-10T02:06:00.000-07:00

olympics is major distraction,
sadly, a rather enjoyable and incurable distraction.
national day is patriotic, not. haha, miss the live actions really.
how different to sing those songs there live, and at home.

and and...
i am a racing car with a near empty tank
drifting on the track
crossing my fingers and
praying that i will not fly out of the race
until after the finishing line.

2008-07-31T04:00:00.000-07:00

if you can just see what i mean behind this veil.
but everyone wants others to see theirs first.
the outcome? no one sees anything, they just feel plenty.

2008-07-28T04:48:00.000-07:00

delirium was interesting,
twin you were good! :D
very interesting play, albeit a little short.
it was sort of a mad rush to the theatre,
yes thanks jamie for accompanying me
and what lovely bitchy day it was, haha
-
dinner at glasshouse was cool,
the embarrassing things we just like showering on val
well, eighteenth only come once

thoughts are darting around,
missing my rationality by inches
on the line separating reality and
Fantasies,
i am fast falling, willingly
you see, it doesn't make sense
nowadays things don't anyway.

2008-07-24T05:28:00.000-07:00

with time dripping away,
the signal is weak.
i know i will never falter but
i'm unsure whether i can do it.

Heavy rain,
the storm continues outside.
No lightning, no thunder,
just heavy rain.
but i have no one to shout to above the din
it's just gentle roaring
but no harm done to the concrete pavement
and i wish i was out there
to breathe some of the safe freedom too
and perhaps drop a baggage or two.

the chill won't last.

2008-07-11T08:26:00.000-07:00

if only i can express myself as well as boey kim cheng,
on the other hand, if i can, i wouldn't even be here.
and i don't really want to look like some angsty teen looking for identity

(so which is more important? looking for a purpose or looking for work to do so as to assume the prescribed purpose?)

i think i need a social life
i think i can't have one at the moment

and i need alcohol, haha
and i want to buy the other day until i envisage the counter staff asking for my id in the crowded 7-11, nah maybe next time...

and i need this,
and will get this million million years later...

probably years after i become accustomed to thinking instead of talking, like how recent times have shaped me. it's getting a tweeny weeny difficult, tensed and hard to decipher whether who's true and whether i am at all. and for all the random funny and awkward moments, i have reason to believe i am still a normal being going through the life cycle. meanwhile, i need to get back to my cave :D

2008-06-30T04:06:00.000-07:00

hopefully i'll have fruitful days ahead,
before the school can get a grip on me
and everything starts to close in.
even if it's just being a potato couch,
or hanging around or...nothing.
for now, that's fruitful enough.

and oh, happy birthday mark!
though you wont read this. haha

didn't feel that it's an end, but more like a start for a new round of failures. can't help but think if i've been focusing too much on things i shouldn't. but isn't it the only way to get there? what if i decide to deviate my attention and end up losing everything? am i rambling again?

2008-06-26T05:03:00.000-07:00

between anode and cathode,
elizabeth and uma,
real and imaginary roots,
credit crunch and liquidity trap,
and the massacre of my brain cells
i am finding something uhh.. which i dont know what it is yet.

2008-06-20T07:04:00.000-07:00

given 24hours, there's plenty everyone wants to achieve.
but if there's hundred times the amount of time a day, would you still accomplish these agendas or would you wait till the next day?
still, time is too fast, i barely have time to see what's going on.
maybe if you look around once in a while, you will gain more than staring at the little words on papers.
and more often than not, those words just don't want to come out,
and i only have what was too good, too painful for now.

and i ramble as a excuse for a break, to change into a different persona
now i'm back to my 24hours.

2008-06-08T03:10:00.000-07:00

rely not on His blessings,
but place trust and faith in He Himself.
the thorns in life is a reminder not to emphasize on flesh, but on spiritual.
make sense?

life's not bad,
-the stayover is a productive hysteria
-outings are much looking-forward-to-ed
-i hope the books see me as their best friends
-sleeping is a bliss
-sleeping is really a bliss
and Eighteen is an apprehension.

2008-05-26T07:00:00.000-07:00

the engine's warm
keep it this way.

units girls soon (:

2008-05-11T06:32:00.000-07:00

feel like shit
flashbacks are disgusting
tell me i'm not going crazy
tell me i've got time please.

2008-04-29T06:26:00.000-07:00

screwed up or what
i suspect i may have a disorder whereby my body prompts me to sleep whenever i'm not talking, walking and uh sleeping.
and i can totally sense the dark clouds and storm brewing over my head upon the sight of all my uncompleted work. i'm like million steps behind i feel like i'm still at the starting line. aye, pain is totally my lot. hopefully my not-SO-good mood doesn't affect anyone around me because it's pissing me off like...so much. elsewhere, elsewhere, elsewhere.

oh my GOD, i am sooooo...FREAKING PISSED -in a bimbo voice-

on the other hand, the production was good.
the audience did make the difference. makes the play more interesting than any other rehearsals. i will definitely miss my melodrama and stepping outta the tv antic. ah makes me realises why i love stage so much again; the enjoyment i had get to conquer my nerves (and heels). it was...oh well...i don't know..just as long as i know how it feels. haha oh the cliche. thanks for all those who came, even though you may not come to support me HAHA

time to start crawling the race again.

2008-04-16T07:23:00.000-07:00

SAJC College Play 2008
entitled Travelling Light by Bryan Tan
at Nanyang Academy of Fine Arts
26th Apr 7.30pm
27th Apr 2.30pm
Tickets priced at $12/-

do come!

2008-04-11T06:51:00.001-07:00

And I try to recall if there’re any worse days.

This girl is commendable for her composure for nine hours.
She holds back a whole tangled web of emotions, shaking but fine.
There was something in the teacher’s eyes, friends’ and her reflection,
She could not bring herself to dampen any mood around her.
And when there’s finally isolation,
She let go, the endless flow, when she cannot even remember
Why she was upset in the first place.
Not that it really mattered.
She’ll be okay; she just needs to live with it.

2008-03-30T00:37:00.000-07:00

The Pillowman by Martin McDonagh is a good play,
catch it.

life is entertaining.

2008-03-27T07:10:00.000-07:00

lesser words, less being spoken, lesser understanding?

i don't dislike praises,
i mean no one does right?
but it's assumptions in advance, praise arising from spectulation or goodwill, or whatever you call it,
manifested in forms of hope, teasing, and jokes, that get me.
what is lost in laughters -- me, myself.
what is exchanged? entertainment? amusement?
maybe it's time, time to consider me a human being.
but then again, maybe it would be easier for me to devise a way around it
instead of trying to change the world
because there might be some selfishness in this desire,
which happens to be of a long history too.
it's so fun huh, i'll just smile anyway right.

consider that an exaggeration.
or not.

2008-03-23T07:58:00.000-07:00

maybe it's the need to dust this site,
talk about societal conventions, never mind.
i see that life is always high then low, or vice versa
so does blogging allow the readers to satisfy their hunger for
other people's highs (or lows),
or that they need to see outside their world sometimes?
Anyways, these few weeks had been interesting,
and how the hell did i survive it anyhows.
and i learnt that,
i. we need to be strong for others
ii. we need to be strong for ourselves
iii. there's a need to plan for the future if you are an agenda-freak
iv. our brains have the possibility of getting fried
v. it's good to have time for yourself once in a while
vi. retail therapy is a...therapy
vii. sleep is vital, as always
viii. i need to see people, like units
ix. if you cannot understand something, you don't have to try so hard

i must believe there's time and there's always this possibility that november remains far enough.
i can watch teevee till forever and everrrr
ps. class outing is fun
psssssssss. school starts tomorrow.

2008-03-12T00:57:00.000-07:00

one cannot be physically and mentally unwell to function
because one will...
i have no idea what will happen.
Anyhows, holidays are hardly opportunities to catch up anymore,
catch up with friends and family that is.
it's pretty much time for me to look at others now,
oh well, maybe after this ordeal..
or the next, or after the last one,
i'll try.
darn, if i'm not lagging too far back in all the relationships.

all i need is four walls, good music, papers and the will to live; it's not that hard.

2008-03-07T06:20:00.000-08:00

let me get adjusted
i think i may be able to navigate in the dark
because i don't know what i will inflict upon myself
if i can't.
that's the way
i may live after all.

2008-03-02T07:13:00.000-08:00

there's like this looming cloud above
and you've been in the shadows for days
you thought you should just shrivel up and die
but life isn't just a simple game
occasionally there will be some light shining through
so you regain hope, so you can stand again
you breathe you smile you do all that you can
and that's when the storm's back
there you go, it's back to square one
this vicious cycle never ceases (have i mentioned that
This is Life?) it's okay, after all many survived.
wait a minute, no one survives Life.
great, let me just curl up in one corner till the sky clears up again.

2008-02-29T04:32:00.000-08:00

The little girl wants to cry
the brave souls told her to fight
to keep on fighting despite the bleakness
The little girl wants to cry
the emos said she is very less pathetic than them
and has less rights to tears
The little girl wants to cry
Others just look on and laugh
at appropriate moments to escape awkward silence
The little girl wants to cry
through the night
but what's the use when every dawn's
Hope is always lost on every night

she cried anyway.

2008-02-20T07:22:00.000-08:00

this is so painful
please stab me.

2008-02-19T04:54:00.000-08:00

the sky summons its darkest clouds tonight
and the oceans roar into my ears
the greenery is but a vast and deep hole
and the ground threatens to swallow me up any moment
there is nothing behind me,
yet i know i always managed to walk out of here
there is nothing in front,
i cannot fathom why i want to take the risk anyway
when i can just hop into the waters and happily drown
or just stay put and let time engulf me completely
and even better, close my eyes and vanish
but no, geraldine is just all alone with Work.
the texts fail to show her identity like Uma's
or convince her the importance of marriage like Charlotte's
neither did the direction vectors toss her to any hopeful direction
maybe she needs to verify if she is parallel to doom, intersecting with misery or skew wrt. life.
and uh, she is delirious and sadly alive.

2008-02-16T04:23:00.001-08:00

blogger is problematic
my printer is problematic
problems.

and post valentine's day,
i love all my friends to bits (:
friends, you are all strong enough to pull through everything with the empowerment of love.

and though replying to tags now would be utmost outdated, and people wouldn't probably remember what they tagged, i will still do it anyway.
Anonymous1: but you dont have flu now girl! haha but i still love you la
Gil: ...
Suhui: love love!
Mel: :D takecare!
rA: hi hi hi hi hi ....okay tired alrdy, let's switch to other trademarks which we can use, haha
sangie: AHHH, i miss you! come back to school soon babe!
Anonymous2: haha, i have no idea how you managed to link to this place. must be you and your huge biceps. LOL
Joel: happy valentine's day to you too!

moodswings are normal, i think i have rationalised this phenomenon.
but there are alot of triggers, which i have yet rationalise
so i will continue to take the abuses and assaults.
and i apologize for those who have to bear with my rapid change of moods, just ignore me while i'm at it.
and there're moments which i prefer silence (yes, amazing for someone who ostensibly cannot stop talking)
it's just...oh gosh, am i undergoing change of identity?
oh what crap.

2008-01-29T05:24:00.000-08:00

these piling assumptions and expectations
just make me want to break them all,
to prove failures,
and be a human again.
do you understand?
and my head hurts for no reason,
my heart races for some anxiety i don't understand,
and i'm disintergrating from inside out.
those stupid nightmares signify omens
if i myself isn't one yet,
freak, why is this so hard to pass by.

and no this is not emo, because emo for me comes random.
it's just something, something i will conquer before it does.
at least i still have the ability to laugh, with or without sanity.

2008-01-24T05:55:00.000-08:00

these constant upsets and lifts.
it's perpetually becoming involuntary,
and it's not easy to keep up.
like.. you are standing at a shore, and waves just keep coming in.
just that they are tsunami waves.
what can you do, what do you mean you can't swim?

2008-01-19T23:30:00.000-08:00

unity has changed,
but not the company.
chatted abit with mr. scaredissit,
dinner-ed with su mel aaron dallas daniel eugene val,
catch a glimpse of huimin and dy,
and wonder when i will see them again.

and oh, units alleviate pain.
and uhhh,
all i want to do is replace the previous post with this.

be rational, be rational

i don't feel like talking

2008-01-17T04:25:00.000-08:00

something is very wrong,
no one can do anything.
:(

2008-01-10T07:47:00.000-08:00

to be preoccupied with the worst case scenario, to be uber pessimistic
means that things can turn out to be as expected
or better.

unless nothing happens at all.

if school is going to be like this every week,
i don't know what will happen.

2008-01-04T08:43:00.000-08:00

Having the best of two worlds.
I feel this phrase can adequately describe my super day because across the spectrum of happiness, i had both ends all in ONE day. Unfortunately or fortunately, i had the downs, then ups :D

Let's start from the beautiful morning,
I wasn't late for school (come on, that's a huge achievement)
I didn't forget to bring anything (not too bad)
everything was okay, then
teacher announced that girls are going to have spot check
i wasn't nervous,
my skirt is one of the longest, no ear studs, fringe okay
i told everyone i sure pass the test, i mean there's NOTHING to catch
.
.
.
.
i was the first one to be caught

thinking about it now, it's quite hilarious
but at that point of time, my mind is filled with
**#&*&@^^&(*&&#Y*&^&@%^#$@&
that kind of...accusation, i tell you i can't describe it
(partly pissed because i was just caught the day before for eating SWEET along the corridors, so freaking toot)
So i kept complaining to dr chua about no justice in the world,
that it's so unfair,
that they should just go and die (i didn't say that) because millions skirts out there is shorter than mine!
(no offence to fellow classmates :D good that you guys escaped)
EVENTUALLY, after a few light years sitting there waiting to the spot check to be over, dr chua appealed for a recheck for us :D
i was released!
smell the fresh air of freedom which i deserved~
neh ni neh ni poo poo

horrors came during gp
split class again,
to some ahbeng...oh well, never mind
the point is, i feel so freaking miserable
the real series of unfortunate events

there's plenty minor unlucky stuff,
BUT,
i want to move on the happy things :D
rushed home for kaye's 'party'
was super late,
so i nearly went without makeup despite being in a dress,
i only semi-blowdry my hair,
couldn't find a proper bag
plus millions other details screwed up
the best part is...i wasn't officially late. HAHA

we were eggcited (:

and then, good things came along
first, SEXY KAYE appeared in SEXY PURPLE DRESS

then 18 guys each went up with a rose and danced with her, SWEET
and 18 girls each went up with a candle to make a wish for her, SWEET X2
(well, i kind of wanted to make a longer wish, but...mind blank-ed out)

SEXY KAYE danced a SEXY dance too! oh gosh, i have never seen her like that before! girlfriend you are hot! :D espcially when you hop up into the guy's arm. HAHA

and then the gigantic enormous humongous surprise,
when she had to make a toast with a good friend.
oh gosh, did i mention how much i love you, seriously :D am touched, but once again shocked to say much at that moment :/ but you must know... (you better read this) -- i really appreciated it! i'm just... i have so many thoughts... hiya you know la!

LOVE YOU, TWIN!!!

Then it was food :D yummm

and the 18 treasures, whereby each person went up with a symbolic present for her, and explained the reason behind the gift. Uhh, after seeing that everyone bought her something... our gift seemed a little weird but...

KAYE YOU LIKE IT RIGHT!?
it consists of all our memories!
the poems were hard to pen down,
but tada! the end product is a beauty!
love love love, f4 <3>

Kaye cried so much, haha, well the most i've ever seen
but it's good! tears of joy yeh!
it was a memorable day,
don't think i can enjoy like this in the months to come
it would be sometime before the four of us get together again
not exactly easy to express what i actually feel,
i trust that twin/gf can decipher it :)
By the way, your hp wallpaper is cool.

oh, i'm glad it ended this way
happy eighteen!

2008-01-01T07:19:00.000-08:00

This morning,
i dreamt of a natural disaster
it was so sudden,
it was damn terrifying,
i held to my loved ones
and i nearly ran back for them
it was so vividly real
until i jolted out of my sleep.
My breathing was faster than usual.

and,
i feel this way about tomorrow
shit.

2007-12-31T04:10:00.000-08:00

This is the last day of '07
and i guess i'm supposed to do some reflection, or summary or just something
but writing so means doing some kind of conclusion.
i think i prefer seeing '08, not as an end or a new beginning, but as a continuity so that i can extend all my happiness in '07 and redeem all my regrets/guilts in the coming year.

but guess what, i'm still writing anyway
hahaha

First,
i hope in the year to come i will be
PUNCTUAL (no don't carry too high a hope for that)
MERRY (for myself, and to spread to others)

and everyone else to be
HEALTHY
FULFILLED
ALL SMILES
STRONG
and TOGETHER

units
we did survive after all.
why on earth did i nearly cry myself to death on graduation day? haha
i foresee so many many many dinners together
all of you better turn up

maybe we learn to treasure our time together better yeh
cck park to emo, eat jellybeans and talk about going to Paris
but we are often so busy, gatherings are not the same anymore
nevermind, i get to see all your faces LOL

one phonecall once in a while, it's so important
and girls i love you all to bits, you know who you are (:
closer and closer we get, babes

words just won't do no justice to how i feel la.
i believe units-withdrawal-symptom is incurable,
not that i mind it though :D

Saints
though i'm not sure if any of you will read this -.-
pae07s21, oh gosh i still remember the class
we had only ten people, and what merry people we are :D
it's joyous while it lasted.

jae07s16, the super weird class in millions cliques initially
but something happened, i believe it's pw (eeek)
and taadaa! we began bonding
we are so into technology, we chat using emails haha
izzat house's gathering was fun,
bbq was fun,
every pool game was fun,
everything i wanted to say to you guys, i would have say through some means, so yea
DCA attention! The class will always be 24 (i hope i'm not wrong) of us, right from the start to the end :D

and joy to all other mighty friends i met
who really wont get to read this
okay maybe except my kinder surprise friend,
well you know who you are :)
we share emo tgt! hahaha
pasta pasta pasta

ahh well, i have faith in friendships.
Believe in it with me :D

2007-12-29T23:05:00.000-08:00

Christmas updates (:

This Christmas is super uber duper whatever-ber units :D
i give more than two you-know-what wrappers okay, denise and su. haha

CHRISTMAS PARTY '07
SEXY SMART PEOPLE!

Lamseak family yo

Suuuuuu.me
I love nerds

Fiona.me
(no, we are not in a kitchen)

Heeday.me

Wenjin.me
thanks for your TWO sweets

Joel.me
Cool okay

Mark.me
He is the best dressed of the night!

Ahbang.me
God knows how long we took to take this picture

Daniel.me
He act cold

Yelyn.me.dywoofdeniseyangsusen

Aaron.me

Mel.me
(Notice Heeday at the back, starting from the previous photo, HAHA)

hmmm, what happens when a very smart-looking person stands beside a very beng person? (ps. Mark took the mrt in that, BRAVO mei!)
HAHAHA

ohoh, and i suddenly remembered this
i give good ****s
my parents give good ****s
my grandmother gives good ****s
my relatives give good ****s too
:D

Next up! Chalet '07!

By now, i believe all of us who went have only one DAMN MEMORABLE experience
Welcome to our 420minutes of night cycling adventure!

We went night cycling at 11.30pm
Double Bike yay!
(because yours truly cannot cycle at all!)

My first bike partner was Luffy the Scary cyclist
He likes to cycle super fast
He likes to cycle on grass instead of concrete path
He likes to do a lot of things which made me scream
Suhui will know what i mean
BUT because i didn't fall, i reckon it's uber fun!
My second partner is Wenjin my hero! hahaha
He got leg cramps towards the end, but he persevered
(no, im trying to forget that we crashed into bangbang's bike, and nearly fell into the deep longkang)

We cycle to changi village (see ahgua)
We cycle past changi airport, the stupid neverending road
We cycle on the highway (shouting cars to warn each other)
We cycle to the other end of eastcoast (by then, backside pain like shit)
We cycle, and then we cycle, and then we...you get what i mean

We even got stopped by the police
But nah, we are hao hai zi, so nothing happened!
when we arrived at east coast, we ate choco at 7-11 and then went all the way back -.-
i tell you the backside alrdy pain like siao, cannot sit properly

This nazha boy fell, and he rollerbladed the same distance as us. pro la pro la
Eh, we all never did complete the msn convo!

By the time we reached our chalet, it was 6.15am
We cycled (well, i pedalled, since i can't cycle) for freaking 50 plus km
Can i consider myself an athlete for one day pls!
After that, we couldn't really move, haha.

We spent the second day idling and regaining energy, mostly for our backside
Snapjack is so fun, uhh plus fireball! :D

Second night was classic
99% of the clique went to the beach

Leaving me.val.fiona.su
and we had the MOST HILARIOUS prank ever
Valerie we all know how much trust you place in us, thank you!
it will be our private joke forever i tell you

And this is a permanent proof
(val, ace is not that bad la)

and and, valerie challenged daniel to snapjack
and OMG we cannot stop laughing,
YOU JUST HAVE TO BE THERE to see how she cheated like nobody's business

crazy bunch, it's zo fast over.
but i will keep telling myself the next time will come, and it will be sooner than i expected! :D
if there's a better word than love, i'll use it. for now, unitsclique LOVE!

2007-12-28T06:50:00.000-08:00

the week is zo fast, i did plenty
and plenty to blog
officially, i name it 'the units week'

first--
a study date plus tons of procrastination with valerie
we found a MINI table in the children sections
all i saw was just worksheets after worksheets
until i found him...

nice pose, haha
i can't find a picture with his face shown clearly
he was literally jumping all over the place

this little boy shared the table with us initially.
he is so cute :D
enough to make me abandon my work, to the very least

yay we took a picture, albeit very far apart. haha
i said boy boy look here, he ignored me -.-

i edited this photo, haha
look at val's happy face
but nono, i like him more than she does :D

but happiness doesnt last,
love stories like to end tragically with a third party

his mother, LOL
She caught us taking photos of him, oh no so embarrassing

oh well,
so we gave up...

take picture of ourselves is better :D

oh ya, matthew (the little boy) came to us just before he left
jie jie bye bye
ahh so cute!
my eye candy

happy day :D

oh oh, christmas party and chalet next, fun max
why do i always blog about stuff so outdated?

and this came to my mind
you're soooooo good toshi,
come on toshi, come on
HAHAHAHAAHAHA

2007-12-20T03:10:00.000-08:00

time, precious time
come to me please.

applause to great Les Miserables
the goosebumps when everyone sings in unison and with such passion

kudos to wonderful Les Choristes
pretty boys with such melodious voice

watch it people, watch it!
alright, i think i miss choir. lalala (:

maybe i was a little grumpy online, i was stressed i think
so i will stop my grouch-iness from spreading
i may go missing once in while because...because i don't know why

i got to cross it myself.

2007-12-17T08:37:00.000-08:00

what nice sunset, it captivated me.
(what's more amazing, my lao-pok camera is able to capture it)

this long long taiwan trip, or so it seems, did me some good. i was able to think about everything and nothing in particular for a long while. and indeed, many memories caught up with me, like the perth trip i had. i enjoyed myself, even though i didn't laugh to death or scream like mad which i would have done if the trip was with my friends. it's totally different i guess.

it's a journey embarked by a housewife(mom), a working adult(cuz) and a schooling teen(yours truly). how interesting eh..

it's a bustling place, with a lot of shops around but not a lot of things to buy. haha..

i don't have many of the photos yet. maybe i will share them slowly in the future :)

do you know?
in taiwan:

they announce the train stations in four languages

everyone, EVERYONE keeps to their right on the escalator if they are not intending to walk up

they have special seats in the train for the elderly and pregnant ladies

there's more scooters than cars on the street

the scooters can move anywhere on any road (piang, we always have to look behind us when we are walking in alleys, scooters are everywhere!)

there's bubble tea shops everywhere, every turn of the street (and it's so nice i drink it everyday)

ah, there's so many other things..i think i can't quite tell them all.

and travelling seems to make me quieter, with fewer words to express because with skies like this, my mind speaks and wander.

2007-11-29T04:44:00.000-08:00

This blog is dead :/

This holiday has been extremely productive. Not the i-have-done-all-the-homework kind of productive, but in a sense, i can do whatever i want and i did. okay maybe it's not all that productive but... NEVER MIND! haha

lately, this is what kept me occupied

YAATAA! I LOVE NEW YORK CITY!

Hiro Nakamura is sooooo cute! not shuai-cute, but just cute-cute? ahh delights! haha
maybe that explains why i finished season one of heroes in..three days? and yes, i'm already guilty enough. i'm really guilty...but uhhs he's really cute right?

and yada yada, there's lots of other stuff to blog about. but it kind of lost its meaning if i blog in full now

like my working pals!
don't tell me you guys splurged all your pay alrdy
like unitsclique dinners
did we have one after the marina one? i a bit absentminded now
dinner with val,xi and su
how silly we are with the calculator in fish&co. shhhhhh
Arabian night
WAH SEXY AR YELYN, twist here shake there
you shouldn't have told us about your friend and antics :/

And some young visitors today
sometimes it's so relaxing to spend your day away with kids.
sometimes it's comforting to know that the main objective of the day is to just win the game of monopoly .
sometimes it's priceless to just sit there the whole day in front of the television with a playstation and plenty of laughter .
sometimes..sometimes it's so short-lived i thought it never happened.

last but not least, some talk on the phone yesterday
and i believe more to come in the future
i can't wait, i can't wait..
or can i? just to prolong the nice feeling :)

i'm never good with blogging, because i don't like to spell things in full.
or maybe it's the mood.

Everyone is ordinary, but meant for something extraordinary

sometimes i want to be serious.
let me be.

2007-11-17T23:50:00.000-08:00

beloved ssixteen
(when is the next outing people!)

anyway the week had been busy. with work, ccas and whatnots, i always seem to have plently of time alone on the train. pretty much i just zonk out, tune into my favourite music and most of the time, fall asleep. occasionally, i feel guilty because i didn't see a granny standing until someone beside gave up his/her seat. other than that, i think i'm accustomed to long distance; there's time for me to daydream and to think about nothing in particular.

something crossed my mind. i once heard that when you are with a true friend, you are totally at ease and you speak what's on your mind frankly, most of the time agreeing with each other. so what happens to the tension between the yearn for a sense of acceptance and rooting for a individual identity? don't get it? haha never mind, it's just rambling.

reading people's blogs gives me different thoughts and emotions every few minutes. i guess that's what blogs are for, to gain an insight, to understand people more. except that, who exactly exposes all his/her thoughts and bare his/her feelings to the world online? what's my point here? okay i will tell when i figure it out -.- haha

for now,

chill people!

2007-11-13T04:20:00.000-08:00

flap flap flap my arms, gently down the stream ~
(to the tune of row row row your boat)
swimming is no easy feat okay

and i still can't
after seventeen years on the land, the solid ground

do you know how scary it is to submerge your face in the waters?
Cannot breathe, cannot see, cannot anything?
of course you can't, because you guys probably know how to swim properly, if not like a pro

i will do it by next year, yes i will
meanwhile i better grow some gills or what :D

ahh i don't have pics from class bbq!
but it was really fun
i wasn't high ladies and gentlemen, i was just excited
oh oh i enjoyed bbq-ing the buffalo wings and stuff
ahh beer with coke, go try it someday
and and the marshmallows with nutella is heaven!
keep the charcoal burning! huff and puff!
wah 20 stingrays, with sambal! beat that!
eh we planned surprise bday cake and the bday boy didn't come
cutting watermelon with a blunt knife is cool
and we ended it the s16 style
*drum roll*
a game of pool! :D
comerocksomeassssixteen!

ahh units' marina trip was fun too.
a little short, couldn't stay out too late
but i'm counting down to the chalet, in hopes that everyone will turn up!
patience is a virtue

meanwhile, i have work to do
yes yes think of the pay. i will be teeny weeny richer

and and hopefully i will flap more in the waters

flap flap flap my arms gently down the stream ~

2007-11-07T23:04:00.000-08:00

so many stuff suddenly thrown at me.
maybe, just maybe i prefer to be bored sometimes.
no ger no, you can do it!

anyway..........................
ahhh here comes a detailed account of the f4 outing yesterday.
kaye, you are stuck as my gf for the rest of your life! (:

first, i was the latest for the outing (as usual, i know)
but that's beside the point! haha
soon we get to ms clarity cafe in bugis, kind of cool
everyone got something that looks very very yummy!

mel's juicy chicken!

yusnizah's fishy fish!

kaye's cheesy rice!

TADA! my ICED PEACH TEA. LOL
not loser okay, i ate already!

so we happily spent time chatting and abit of cam-whoring

kaye and i werent quarelling okay, we were FIGHTING!

after a while...
we decided! it's time to move on to large scale cam-whoring :D
how do we know? hmmmmmm

first, we feel abit queasy and start imitating posters...

then, we got our maternal instinct, and start to acknowledge our babies!

my BABIES, aren't they adorable!

Mel's babies! (everyone! go "awwwwwww")

but sigh, i found kaye's baby. unfortunately the cutest of all..

okay, people don't jeer! it's not so bad okay :D

and i look down on people who disagree with me! LITERALLY yes!

okay back to our adventure!

don't underestimate this building, it has lots of surprises!

funky hair!
(ger: i want hair hair more hair!)

nizah: ah! i've been found out!

rarrrrr!?

after a while, we are banished to the roadside.
and some emo-ness creeps in

but nah, we soon found more exciting things to do

When is the last time you played this! *i will huff and puff, huff and puff...

Don't disturb la! haha *engrossed

NOW we are happy!

happy..means let's go back to childhood :D

pink princess! (omg, aliteration)

uhhh, princess kills?

*gallop gallop
Here comes my prince! :D

okay if it's not convincing that we are from fairy tales,
One thing is for sure...

we are damn cool

did i mention how much i love this bunch of fruits!

guys! cucumber loves you :D

2007-11-05T07:41:00.001-08:00

i think holidays have started, i thinkkkkkkkkk
because i have been rotting at home for the past days doing absolutely nothing.
i think all i did was to.. wake up - lie on the couch - watch tv - doze off - repeat
it is extremely productive and not to mention, purposeful.
fully comprehend the meaning of dying from boredom

i should get up soon and kick some ass
In this case, it would be my ass of course.
come on, go jog, go swim(or drown), go...muggggg

At least today i managed to drag myself out to class outing.
izzat you s****ed! LOL

not too bad, an attendence of ten people. hahaha
game plan was funny!
never say no!

anddddd i may just start going for ballet classes like the little girl in the movie. i know the basic steps already! thanks ryanna, and i know im far from looking as if i'm actually doing the basic steps but who cares! lalala * in own world

what else can we do, it was the usual stuff - movie + a game of pool
but it's not boring :D i think it's the company.
come on people, turn up for some class bonding more often!
*sudden urge to poke rachel's face...with chalk :D

(and enya! please stay for a longer duration and avoid have loser stuff. HAHA, okay you know i love you, don't be angry)

soooooo, class bbq this friday? say yes people say yes!
*quoting serena's butt: the one and only choice!

ahhh i think i managed to summarise all the fun highlights from today
and with this, im banished once again back into my lonely noiseless well.

units make some noise! (:

2007-11-01T04:56:00.000-07:00

when you invest so much in something, would you ever want it to end?
it's like... the investment is so great because you want it to be over and done with for good.
But when it's actually gone, what have we left?

i guess every now and then, we get hit by some unknown yet strong emotions. i don't know where mine came from this time. but it's certainly churning and twisting from inside out. maybe it's time again i should get myself lost in crowds before i lapse into the in-trend now - "emo-ing".
and now, i miss certain friends.

so now, how do i get started?

maybe i know it could have been better?
okay this feeling sucks

2007-10-29T19:22:00.000-07:00

the last lap for op. wheeee
fever is not helping, i will be very lucky if it's dengue

and did i mention how much i love s16 :D
okay i know my blog is rather stagnant and probably no one visits here anymore. but i still need to declare my love for this wacky class. seriously, though we took ten months (lol), we managed to conquer our stark differences in terms of subj combi and stuff, and ta da! class outings are always so entertaining!
and i think we have a class sport -- billard!
next up -- bowling!
and catching up as the third sport, mass msn convo? okay not exactly a sport but still...
hahaha, we are a bunch of sporty people yea.

i think things should just stay this way
and oh, plus a little more units in my life.
sweet

2007-10-21T09:44:00.000-07:00

after a few light years, my blogger page decided to load again. how appropriate now that i have nothing much to blog about.

i so wanted to blog about those happening days last week (or is it last last week) whereby i had units outing -- lamseak sentosa outing -- s16 outing all at one go. but unfortunately these joys are left behind in the dust of pw. i think that's how dinosaurs died, with all the dust covering the sky when meteors hit planet earth. okay do you guys even understand what i am saying. haha.

i always thought:

- everyone understood the meaning of promises since preschool
i was wrong.

- a sense of responsibility is inherent in each and every one of us since birth
very wrong.

- i am always able to slap anyone i am UBER irritated with
wrong again.

because i realised i can only grit my teeth and practise the art of EQ. i have to stay composed when my brain is screaming. until i figure out whether it's me being unreasonable or it's people being a piece of shit, i will not flare my nose and spurt out balls of fire.

as a detrimental consequence, i think enthusiasm is not my THANG for the next few weeks.

*chant 'just one more chance, just one more..."

2007-10-07T07:56:00.000-07:00

Holidays. it was, and i'm insisting it is still.
i haven't had one break like this for a long time, and as usual, it will be very tough to break out of this. oh well :D

the movie a walk to remember is really nice :D i came home today and it's like showing on teevee. ahh, cliche but nice.

straight after promos was joy to the world for everyone, especially enya. haha. i was more of "okay, it's over" instead of "omg, i have new life now". nonetheless, it is worthy of a celebration so we clique head down to PS for some pastamania and a movie.

BALLS OF FURY (or rather tiny balls of fire according to serena, i hope you'll never read this :D) is quite a hilarious show. i think it's something to do with the company too. with rachel laughing hysterically every now and then :D gui lou!

i guess exams give us a reason to bond further, now hydrogen bondings; strong (okay people, stop groaning). so on friday we met up again to chill. this time with liberated rach j and jillian. wheeeee, my first time at billard (which totally sucks, but i'm still eager to be the first to 'disperse the balls') it was fun fun fun, especially during dinner. wheee, let's do this more often yea.

and no, my happening life didnt pause there at all. the next day i met up with efg2. been a long time since we met man. oh man, it's just so nice everytime i reminisce about our sec1 and 2 life :D it's good catching up and i want to do this more often yea!

okay i'm like having mental blocks now trying to recall all the things.

dinner with units! the stayover woah. we played the super dao game which yelyn abhors to the core. (well, we played it anyway), and yes, super anti social after that. plus i drank from the wrong cup and felt a little sleepy after that. but hiya, didn't get to see anyone high. haha. so we talked after that, emo with songs and laugh at memories till... 4am. may be nothing much, but it always felt so nice :D i waaaaaaaaannnnnnnntttttt more. sentosa soon and 8odays to chalet! HAHAHAHA.

i love friends.

okay not enough sleep O.O
forever in lala-land...
okay not enough sleep.

2007-10-01T04:13:00.000-07:00

happy children's day to all!
embrace the child in you and unleash all your childishness (:
pop a thumb into your mouth and give a huge grin to someone right beside you! (of course, that would be extremely retarded. but hey that's what brings out the youth inside ...i think.)

exams were/still are/are going to be gross.
what is happening to me. *slap myself.

i just want to be a kid, whats wrong with that?

2007-09-27T07:11:00.000-07:00

i need to chiong and reach the finish line.

i realised i almost never reply to the tags. haha, oh well i will reply in you guys' blogs. uh after my judgement days are gone next thursday. wheeeee

random -- ahh, and i met some dumb guys at yishun yesterday. and being intelligent as they already were, they started singing (more like chanting in tuneless whatever, they really thought they are the reincarnation of Mozart or something) "it's all about you...it's all about you". Yes, they can't even sing the proper song. oh, did i mention they did that because the shirt i was wearing had those words. anyway, it had my name on it, and i postulate with good reasons that they probably can't pronounce it and hence did not include it in their little fancy song. how cute.

oh no, i am fantasizing about sentosa with units already. i so neeeeeedddddddd it.
it shall be my motivation, my dream, my hope, and uhh my imagination for now :(
ahh, i hope night safari with s16 will be fun too!

with these, i return to my agenda. sadded.

2007-09-24T09:23:00.000-07:00

gp was fun, i swear. but it is so not funny.
sometimes you try very hard to smile because you know you should, but something is just weighing down. much as i am tempted to joke most of the times, i feel the frowns invading. but there seems to be no means for me to release this sudden urge of emotions. oh well, im not as frank as nica nor am i capable of unleashing my feelings in the form of a painting like suwen. i should just...shut up.

and moving on to a more important person for discussion (haha, please be honoured),
xinyan you will not die in five minutes! okay, the five minutes were long up, but that's not the point. don't be emo please, you can... (i'm sacrificing a lot here, inhale deeply*) always demoralise me by saying how stupid i am. oh well.
okay, whenever in distress, chant
throw emo to geraldine
throw emo to geraldine
throw emo to geraldine
i promised i will not duck, i think. oh no, i just realised you are a thrower. die.

and so, cheer up yea :D i will give you moral support all the way for tomorrow's paper.
and since this is a special occasion, i shall (engage in self denial)...i mean i love you xinyan :D
okay, you should sleep after you read this, shoo go and rest (:

2007-09-18T07:26:00.000-07:00

tomorrow is a self-declared holiday. a much needed one i believe.
but being responsible as i am, i have done all the work im supposed to hand in tomorrow (okay, stop jeering people)

i like what mark twain said:
i never let schooling interfere with my education ~
or something like that

; all pissed emotional hysterical weird temperamental stressed zonked and ruined, and you get school.

as i have heard before -- when time is running out, you got to start running on the track. If you just sit there, you will still get run over despite being on the right track.

of course, which is more torturous - running or get run over, it is totally subjective.

dreams aren't exactly helpful i see.

and this post is uber random

chant: qi lai qi lai qi lai qi lai

PS. all your fault, i want durian ice cream mooncake. haha

2007-09-13T05:37:00.000-07:00

tremors again and again and again.
okay i'm exaggerating, but i feel like my life is so insecured nowadays. is singapore falling apart -.- i experienced tremors in school early in the morning, in the TOILET. it has to be the toilet.

toilet + tremors = scary

oh well, but i didn't get to experience it above the ground floor, which is so sad. i want to sway from left to right, right to left, and left to...nvm. Armageddon is here.

and gp lesson had to be spent watching supernatural. faint hearted people here excuse me. (okay i admit the first one wasn't scary). but it is super unnatural okay, i am officially declaring myself to be easily disturbed. too easily in fact, just had to avoid the second one the class watched by doing work. BUT i was still like frightened when the whole class just screamed out of the blue.

gp lesson = cool (+ pee because too scared, haha!)

something is not right.

2007-09-12T08:13:00.000-07:00

and i was alone at home, happily toying with my tys when my mother called.

"Eh, residents from the other blocks running down leh! tremors!"

"HUH!?"

i don't know what's with me and tremors, second time in the year. okay, that's not the spooky part. after that telephone conversation (no i didn't run out of the house), i recalled what happened in the toilet just now and realised the reason why the water in the bucket is so "unstable"; it looks like dinosaurs are approaching. plus other stuff were strangely swaying too. and and and, i thought i was dizzy because the earth (fine, more like the toilet bowl, oh well) was shaking. you see, Singapore is such a secure place rid of natural disasters, that i always thought i'm dizzy whenever there is a tremor. it's scary okay, especially when you are the only one at home. yikes.

find this amusing --
"My mom always told me that i would be a procrastinator."
I replied, "Just you wait."

2007-09-08T09:26:00.000-07:00

:(

week was fast, what's new. at least i spent much time with units, which is not without the guilt of school. before this holiday even ends, i think i need another one already.

and blogging is so not my thing. the death of this blog is approaching.

sometimes when people don't stay together, it means something. it means they find no joy or satisfaction in this social institution anymore. maybe they couldn't see a third party left alone staring at the blank white wall. i'm rambling.

2007-09-01T23:41:00.000-07:00

HAPPY SEVENTEEN DENISE (:

i know you are pursuing your infinity thighs on your bday by going for training. haha. may all your dreams and fantasies come true. always be proud being a member of courageous liu lang woofs :D *give you a BIG KISS using my davy jones' tentacles*

-
HAPPY TEACHERS DAY (:

okay, no teachers are going to read this but anyhow, may all teachers who can teach teach better, who cannot teach uhhhhs...

yesterday was nice going back to unity. saw a few teachers, got quite excited. lols, and the teachers look really entertaining dancing to Umbrella :D it was nice, it was nice...

and stayed out the whole day with units. doing a lot of this and that. haha. oh well, sunday people sunday (:

-
oh, i just realised how festive it is today...
HAPPY 29th (i lost count -.-) MONTH ANNIVERSARY, BUGLYN (:
for your best interest, get sufficient rest, get sufficient rest and last BUT not least, get darker :D hahahas. bla bla, you know how much i miss you laa (:

and of course, all other units too. though i saw you guys just yesterday -.-
manjong again? cards again? chalet again? im ABIT eggcited.

ah, friends (:

2007-08-30T08:40:00.000-07:00

i am sweetened to death.
-
`came back late at night, from a not very happy day and a not very happy week.
`saw a strange looking object on my desk.
`a letter?
`it's units polymers' loves.
`a much needed card for my poor soul.
-
xie xie ni men :D
a mixed feeling of joy and sadness. a reminder that someone is there at the present. a trigger of the laughters in the past. this is what happens when a full moon night and a tired somebody come together. this is not emo, just a moment of more-than-usual nostalgia i think. i need to find peace.

from a book:
unexpressed feelings never die. They are buried alive and come forth later in uglier ways.

P.S. sorry rach j i can't see you perform. okay you are not going to read this but you have my support tomorrow.
P.S.S xinyan don't emo okay, throw emo to me la i will catch :D
P.S.S.S thursday is ending, and im waking again.

2007-08-22T05:52:00.000-07:00

sometimes there's no reason to be down. but, do we need one?

2007-08-15T06:33:00.000-07:00

this is bloody exhausting. i trudge on.

//then i am back to sitting on the fence because it's just not right. with rejection comes resignation, and i must learn to embrace what i have, or rather what i don't have. occasional laughs should be seen as treats, and perhaps no longer as hope. we all know that we should eventually pick ourselves up after a fall, it's just that no one says how soon it should be.

2007-08-10T05:08:00.000-07:00

even though i have heard this song so many times on my ipod, it's the first time i took notice of the lyrics. and i think i miss something from the past :(
-
[In this Diary] by The Ataris

Here in this diary,
I write you visions of my summer.
It was the best I ever had.
There were choruses and sing-alongs,
and that unspoken feeling of knowing that right now is all that matters.
All the nights we stayed up talking
listening to 80's songs;
and quoting lines from all those movies that we love.
It still brings a smile to my face.
I guess when it comes down to it...
-
[Chorus]
Being grown up isn't half as fun as growing up:
These are the best days of our lives.
The only thing that matters is just following your heart
and eventually you'll finally get it right.
-
Breaking into hotel swimming pools,
and wreaking havoc on our world.
Hanging out at truck stops just to pass the time.
The black top's singing me to sleep.
Lighting fireworks in parking lots,
illuminate the blackest nights.
Cherry cokes under this moonlit summer sky.
2015 Riverside, it's time to say, "goodbye.
"Get on the bus, it's time to go.

read it (:

2007-08-09T09:11:00.000-07:00

HAPPY NATIONAL DAY (yes im abit late)
school celebration can be considered a blast since it's much better than i expected. what's better than having your float, one that has a tree but looks like a giant vegetable, in third place. i didn't even expect us to win anything because that stupid vegetable, i mean tree, falls off every now and then. there's no place i rather be (at that moment). HAHAHs

and boooo, i watched Disturbia and now, i am convinced that i am truly disturbed.

haha, stupid show laa. it's fated i'm not suited to watch horrors (YES i know it's not one, but it is to me!) not saying the movie is bad, though the plot is abit... ,oh well. i might just have enough thrills for my entire life :D

fish.co dinner was great. units units units, lalala. the balloon man was so cool. suhui your giraffe is... well. yelyn's one is a mass of cells (that's for grabbing my leg during my disturbia storytelling and scaring the hell out of me. LOLS) michelle's wow. well, we all had satisfied tummys and balloons. wheeeeee. again again again, chalet in dec anyone? (:

and and town-ed today with valerie and yixi. Secret was not bad, the plot is better than Disturbia though i partly guessed it. piano skills definitely memerising, is it even real?? fun fun stabbing at val, not literally. val, you know i dont mean it! :D ahhh, great day without school's burdens.
-
-
-
and being a nice person as i am, JAHME i shall mention you! okay i dont know what to say partly because im curbing myself from criticising you :D for a start you can improve by giving SMILE when you are taking a privileged photo with me (the privileged one being uhhs you :D). and then, wave hellos and goodbyes! oh well, that's for now gifted artist!

-
wheeeeeeeeee

2007-08-05T06:36:00.000-07:00

bahhhhhh.
to indulge in potter and freedom writers is heavenly, i think i'm starting to dream about them -.- the bitter part is the snap back to reality. which i, not yet sure happily or sadly, haven't quite accomplish.

just imagine me struggling on the threshold of imaginations.

when one yearns for happy endings, when one expects to have a happy ending, what is then considered a happy one? is it not that humans always think there is a happier ending possible, that the field on the other side is definitely greener and thus happier? then, can the choice to end things while we are still happy count as a happy ending? just pondering.

come 8th aug to see units.
hang on there :D

2007-08-03T07:01:00.000-07:00

a huge fat big "F"uck to this new strain of virus (no, stop running away from me guys, im just joking) that's haunting meeeeeee. whyyyyyyyyy. is this some kind of terminal disease.

what kind of illness comes first with stomach runs, high temperature, stupid nausea, and pre ageing back aches. you tell me, you tell me. huh?! huh!?

i swear the back pain is like a trip to hell, maybe that's why old people hunch. i can't begin to describe how the pain is like, it's utterly gross and excruciating; no human should ever deserve this, seriously.

and worse part of all, this weird attack is making me whine :(

at least MTP was lols. dr chua is so cute -.-

2007-08-01T06:04:00.000-07:00

bahhhh, i'm sick - all out of a sudden.
it's like i wake up this morning and viola! a virus hit me. as much as i hate going to school, i realised sitting at home stoning with a throbbing headache is not exactly what i'm looking for. Thank god i didn't try to find my way to the faraway polyclinic because the trip to the clinic just opposite my block seemed 2987238849 miles away.

booooo :(
for once, while i feel like puking (and i want to), my body disallows me to. so im stuck in a stage whereby i feel nauseous and i can't do anything about it. how sucky is that.

boooo to fever, stomach runs and nausea (and school tomorrow)

2007-07-26T06:46:00.000-07:00

booooooo, maybe the comp knows im not in my best mood now so it decided to load the blogger page in alarming speed. good.

i'm so freaking pissed, i think at myself. bloody hell, it's just out of the blue and i just want to rant now. i'm so bloody tired when i know i had quite a lot of sleep last night. but this weak body is just complaining and screaming for more rest. freak me. freak freak freak. why did i freaking make myself so bloody hell busy and why did i have a lit assignment to do now when i can't do lit under stress. this seriously sucks, and it totally didn't help that the fact is i'm sitting here blogging and idling my precious time away. fffffffffffffffffffffffffffff.
wierj03u9t5i-39iwiejr03u 9c34ui903i9rt0c3u4t0

life rocks

2007-07-22T01:08:00.000-07:00

booooooooo, i want to drown myself in laughters.

yesterday could have been abit longer with dearest units. haha :D
watched harrypotter5 yesterday and i applaud the scriptwriter for his/her summarising skills. perhaps too much anticipation had been built up for this series, so much so that it's abit of a turn-off to see so many parts being eliminated. i think it's abit tough for people to catch up with the plot (and suhui, it is not funny that the people in the paintings can jump here and there. LOLS) oh well, i still love harrypotter:D deathly hallowssssssssss.

have you ever encounter a situation whereby there's just so much to do, so much you want to accomplish and so much waiting for you to complete? i just hate the way i always fall asleep and drift off whenever i face situations like these.

stay awake geraldine, and stay where you are, don't run away.

2007-07-12T06:30:00.000-07:00

so many things happened, exciting or boring.
like... the amazing race, amazingly tiring and fulfilling

but i just don't feel like writing it down.
the blog is dying soon. hahaha

oh well, things don't have to turn out so badly afterall
have one thing in your mind at a time, it's easier to live

2007-07-09T05:41:00.000-07:00

:(

;i hate all but harry potter's world.

2007-07-01T07:39:00.000-07:00

mini holidays came and now, i'm only left with one more day. better than nothing; life is procastination.

since CTs are like shit, i tried playing my post-cts days away. haha. after the last paper, we went to watch TRANSFORMERS (yes, a class outing of seven i think). the movie is great :D bumblebee is my eye candy. LOL.

after which, i rushed back to unity with hui mel and fiona. could have got more nostalgic but seriously, the GO is like ..., the playground is like ..., and our eagle is at ... anyway, had a good time catching up with mr scared isit, stoning and stuff :D

then then, had dinner with yel (happy 27th anniversary babe!) hard time finding gifts, guess we are all too tired and the inner devils in us surfaced. hahaha. oh gosh, it's like a kind of wish in life fulfilled (wth -.-).

anyway, the day is far from over. we all went home to wash up and proceed to yelyn's house to make (SOMEONE's) gift till... six plus in the morning. along the way, we got serious, got hungry, got hysterical, got weird, got f-up (okay, only me), and then finally we got so sleepy we sleep-questioned, sleep-answered and sleep-commented. hahas, only make sense to us (:

seriously, we are crazy. we rushed back home to sleep and met up in the afternoon to shop and get something and anything before the gst hike (not like it really makes a difference to us.) so we walked miles and miles, and queued for centuries. everyone had a shopping bag laa. wheeee~

eeyer, the dinner so ex, and not even as good as it's supposed to be.
went back home and collapsed.

anyway,
sheng ri kuai le, mei mei! may seventeen be the most sexy to you (:

2007-06-27T06:50:00.000-07:00

today was chemistry
the overall paper is eighty marks
i didn't attempt thirty three marks

i want to wallow in self pity and i am. it's been so long since i felt this way.no one knows how it feels, how i feel.

2007-06-24T02:40:00.000-07:00

random excerpt:

i am not the most optismistic person in the world. in fact, i'm hell lot a pessimist. but sometimes, the rainbow colors of life cannot be ignored. we all possess something and lack of some too; we live on the border of a dull world and a colorful world so much so that we can choose to wallow in self pity or celebrate the little we have. today, i think i prefer to turn my head towards the brighter side because, there's only so much time we have to life. :D

2007-06-22T04:48:00.000-07:00

Body aching, mental fatigue, mind spinning, i'm practically paralysed and disabled to carry out any form of revision. oh my, don't i sound like i mugged a lot? In short, i'm just suffering from laziness and some sort of self delusion which is plain sad at this point of time.

While i (try to) slog my youth away doing work, i wonder how i ever will get the answers for those questions i don't know (and that makes up to more than half the total questions). With those unsolvable riddles staring back at me, my mind is trying to hypnotise me to sleep.

omg, life is so irritating. :(

while i may sound stressed or even emo, i might as well just continue my laments. when we misses things in the past so so much, i wonder if that means we hate our current situations? Can we love to go back to the past and love to stay in the present at the same time?

maybe they should just merge sec sch and jc together. how wonderful.

and oh, i found some sort of an old diary from somewhere in my house. Perhaps, we all lived in fairytales during our innocent times.

so who's the mean person who woke us up >:(

did we teach the children to treasure their childhood?

2007-06-19T08:13:00.000-07:00

buzz buzz buzz
time's not stopping for me anymore

kaye tagged me for this, and being a nice person (okay, don't argue) i'm doing this. haha
EACH PLAYER OF THIS GAME STARTS OFF WITH 10 WEIRD THINGS, HABITS, OR LITTLE KNOWN FACTS ABOUT ONESELF. PEOPLE WHO GET TAGGED MUST WRITE IN THEIR BLOG 10 WEIRD THINGS, HABITS, OR FACTS, AS WELL AS STATE THIS RULE CLEARLY. AT THE END, YOU MUST CHOOSE SIX PEOPLE TO BE TAGGED AND LIST THEIR NAMES. NO TAG-BACKS!

; i'm only used to landing with my left foot first when using the escalator
; when i have a lot of things to do or when i feel very busy, i tend to go to sleep
; when i have money, spending always come first, then saving (which is impossible)
; i have the tendency to stop talking halfway through my sentences
; i like to think a lot, and may blurt out talking to myself
; i want to fly (LOLS)
; i can be anti-social (yes jamie yes)
; i listen to all kinds of music from broadway to rock and metal

wahlao, this thing is too long. i'm too tired to think of any more 'weird' things and this thing is sure making me feel like i'm indeed a weird person. hahaa. no tagging of anyone.

been out quite often nowadays
gosh, i can barely open my eyes

2007-06-17T07:37:00.000-07:00

everytime I feel like blogging, the blogger page will hang. When I finally get to this page, i get kind of speechless. like now.

I'm feeling very random now, and after reading suhui's post, I'm feeling like twice as random. haha.

Is it like overrated to say i miss my peeps. hell, i haven't seen some of them for ages! Soon, maybe i will start dreaming of them :D

I know, I know the-days-which-shall-not-be-named, aka CTs are arriving at the speed of light. I kind of enjoy staying at all home all day, if only I'm studying 24/7. nahh, I'm not that nerd. maybe just not yet. lol. Even though I know I will regret like SHIT afterwards because I'm not really mugging but you know, no mood means NO MOOD. stupid brains.

And there are always news of conflict on headlines or on the tv. What's wrong with these people anyway!? First in Gaza, and then South thailand and and, not to mention LTTE striking here and there. Yucks, so many innocent deaths. I always thought the whole world should like Singapore; not that we don't fight, we can hardly fight openly here. haha. Why am I so bothered by it anyway!? rarr PEACE!

more days ahead to rot
hell, even my mother is asking why i'm like...glued to home.

edit//

JAMIE LAI (till now you havent told me the chinese pronounciation -.-)
i'm right now blogging about you, aren't you honoured :D
my retarded drunk-like semi-conscious chat mate, you know what to do next now?
hahaaaa, let's be social tgt! muahaha

2007-06-11T07:19:00.000-07:00

happy birthday to me :D
(according to hui, today is my first day of seventeen so im allowed to wish myself that. lols)

birthday was good - chilling out with friends and running away from sch work. and oh, so i carried the BIG present all around and earned the most stares i ever got -.- i had to console myself, it's after all my once in a life time picture. hahaha :D wheeee~ unitians.

oh man. seventeen passed just like that, i don't feel that old yet. heck, eighteen, here i come!!!

oh oh, omfg i went swimming today. okay, fine, i can't swim. so, technically i was trying to swim. i mean, who on this earth ever fail to learn swimming; it's either you learned or you don't want to, right? well, i can't -.- freaking float. hahaha, time to use a float. but im freaking 17, helppppp. In any case, at least i'm like, trying :D it's a good way to tan too. haha

if i dont start work soon, i'm so not going to forgive myself after exams.
so, what's freaking wrong, why can't i start?

2007-06-08T21:29:00.000-07:00

booo. i have flu from out of the blue. go away go away.

so many things are hindering my studies though they may not be bad. hc ltc camp was very fun and certainly will be a memorable experience. none of the camps i been to had been so reflective, emphasizing so much on chr development and most importantly bonding. :D mainly, it's so amazing to me because i did much things i know i wouldn't have done or dared to do few years back. i guess i needed to see how much positive thinking can do to actually believe the strength of willpower. it all started with just an additional step on the log, and despite the fact that everyone else went further than i did, it has really helped me. the night trail was fun too, walking in the jungle, pitch dark. first with tess( even though you will not read this, but you make a great partner!) and then alone under the starry starry night. LOLS. how cliche does it sound but it's very nice eh. and many many more things la - trekking with leeches, huge ants and what have you. but i think the highlight would be the camp fire (with only 25 people, can you imagine :D) and the sharing session afterwards. i think every camp should seriously have this session!! it's really warm and fuzzy (: everyone poured out their sincere feelings, it's so hard to explain it here :D all in all, i believe hc can do whatever it is given!!

now it's back to reality and nope, i shall wait till after sun to do proper work :D

mind over matter,

mind over obstacles

2007-06-02T06:23:00.000-07:00

hieeeeeee (:

life's good at the moment and it will suck approximately a week later because i will face consequences for not doing any of my work. till then, i'm still breathing :D

rarr, yelyn's gone for good...good whole two weeks. hahaaa, sorry babe i can't send you off and do tcare :D if you ever see this, that is!

ahhh, i'm keeping myself busy almost all the time (nope, none of them involves work). thurs was day out with unitians. we simply laze around and me getting hyped up over rugby (fine, i was only passing the ball...but still...) and had a swim in the stinky sea (okay okay, i wasn't swimming, i can't). overall, simple day :D dreadful friday it was, at first. i mean, i wanted to sleep till the sun bakes my butt. but, i obediently drag myself up and out to school for drama workshop. and oh my! it turned out so clucking crazy. i mean like, what the cluck! we were all being such mothercluckers la! (inside joke :D) i believe everyone felt somewhat tired after laughing so much and well, sorry babes i didn't do that dare. hey, i have some reputation to keep okay (: i so hope we have more of these "outings" at macs where we laugh till we burst into flames (right, mother?) hahahas. sat, today, SHOP (:

wheeeeeeeee. lovely lovely
hmwk go away go away go away

2007-05-28T04:49:00.000-07:00

blogger didn't like me the past few days.
but never mind, i'm back :D

and since i didnt get a chance to say...
HAPPY belated BIRTHDAY SUHUI!
hope you had a great sexy seventeen!

and oh, we had a sleepover at hui's house. our original clique of 10plus 20 people shrinks to 5 -.- okay la, it was fun and full of laughter (at the expanse of my once-in-a-life-time-moment! dy, please do not circulate that pricy shot to the whole of the world. woof woof woof woof) of course, we have daniel the self-proclaimed-sexy-but-not-so-sexy-legs who tries to appear in every picture and the great bear laughing at all the silly shots. LOLS. suhui who spends quite a lot of time figuring out which qns she was supposed to do, i can't help much since i'm semi conscious. and ah, the oh so memerised-by-tentacles dy and me! *suck suck* hahahahs, sounds wrong!

rarr, hols are here and it seems ever more busy than normal school days
spiraling out, anyone?

2007-05-18T20:53:00.000-07:00

hello saturday.

for once for this week, i had some good sleep. i actually fell asleep at 7plus yesterday (refusing to wake up that night) and finally wake up at 9 today :D while too much sleep = headache, i couldn't care lesser, i got to get it all back yea. shit school.

wheeeee, gotta see unitians later on.

i need a full dose of unity
i'm not passing anything,i hate school, i hate me.
besides, i thought i could fit in that tiny space, that insignificant place
right now, all i see is my shadow in it. even then, it's suffocating.
what's happening, find me someone.

2007-05-14T04:32:00.000-07:00

wheeeee, weekend was busy and i have no time for studies. AND THEN, i am still blogging now. nvm -.-

oh oh, the UN seminar's kind of interesting. okay, maybe not when the seven professionals are talking (or is it, murmuring under their breath? they have two mikes!) the workshop was so exciting, at least for me, even though it's just about whether peacekeeping and peacemaking is more feasible and stuff. i think i'm so engaged, i may raise my hand too if the debate was to continue. mind you, the nj, rj people there are intelluctual. (no, not saying i'm not, refusing to say that... ...) and did i mention the food =D with just 6obucks from edusave (okay, i sound like a commercial) there's like never ending food to me. the lunch is...cool - 6 course meal. good things come in 6...hahah =/ and there was the jc version of the humanities challenges. yel, mel.. remember our (dont-know-good-or-bad) experience? lols.

after all that (it's like 8am to 6pm kinda thing. ugh) it was time for a dose of unitians! yay :D a small dose though, i need more more more! anyway, it was an entertaining night.
*yu xia le zhou hao lu ...

rarr, i miss my mom. (okay, partly because i have to wash my clothes. who stay up till 12mn to wash clothes? :/) happy belated mom's dayyyyyyyyy.

i can i can i can