trudging through this freaking cobweb-ed space
i shall rant to myself
it's another new year (damn, nineteen reads old)
it's so hard to actually do a reflection on 2008,
the mind just get stuck when you have the intention to remember, to reminisce or whatever
my memories flow better at random times
i guess the main gist of it, i would never regret going to saint andrews
i love the happy, crazy moments
and i generally don't remember all the nasty ones (or try not to)
i meet amazing people, all different and whether we eventually get along or cease to talk,
it's still an awesome experience.
i don't deny frustrations, alevels isn't easy and i think the fatigue and emoness i display or anyone displays (in fact, i think everyone had this moment at least once during the course of jc life haha) are like shit.
all the same, being optimistic (yeah, like that sounds like me haha), it says alot about us jc kids who eventually survived.
yes i know, the academic verdict is still pending and i refrain from dwelling further or i freak myself out.
at least i think, emotionally or mentally there was development for me (i hope), even though i never felt so helpless or hopeless in the course of study before.
i do remember a teacher saying she believes in me, wow i guess that helps abit
even though that wouldnt help me ace anything really
at least i know at that moment, someone has more faith in me than me myself
of course there are my beloved friends
some i know i can count on, all i expressed by what means i can
i know i will miss the school days, and i will imagine doing the same (but boring no more) routine because although i may not realise it before, the somewhat rigid schedule assigns certain sense of security and assurance. i dont worry about what i may encounter, because at a specific time, at a specific place, specific people will be there after all.
know what i mean?

of course, old friends never cease to disappear
we do crazy stuff at the end of the year
the immediate memory would be the stormy night cycling
the red rain is intimidating and mesmerizing at the same time
i think we are insane,
and boy, do i love every minute of it haha
we're tight.

resolution?
well, i will figure out along the way
may all the important things in my life stay important
and all that i want to be important become important
if that makes sense to anyone but me

that is one long rant.

am still alive at 5:07 AM



something's not right,
this place should be uhh happier, since the 21st?
let's just take it as that i was having the time of my life since and therefore was too busy to update okay.
or...i was lazy

a part of me is all hyped up for all the outings in the world, partaaay till i drop dead
while the other part just wants to know that, every morning when i open my eyes, there are no obligations or appointments i have to commit myself to (and bascially just rot)
so that i can curl up on my couch and read a book till the end of time (actually not, it is till my neck starts to ache so im forced to do some stretching) except it's hard to find books i want to read now. do i really have to buy them :(

yes yes, i should find a job, except that i feel like i have been working for the past 2 years, longer than office hours on most of the days and even bringing home my work (yes homework). okay i'm exaggerating, i should get a job soon. anyone dying to offer me recommendation? ahh the couch is smiling at me again, couch or job? hahah

and one SMALL part (small okay, just in case anyone flips) of me, the nerdy part wants to... never mind, just leave it as that. sometimes im still caught in the time and space between chem mcq and lit p5, somethings never meant to end maybe

nevertheless, i had fun with the outings i had so far and many many more to come
so many fun plans conjuring in that dusty space in my brain while i persist in a brainless life for just a while more.

am still alive at 7:26 AM