to prove yourself right,
you don't have to prove that others are wrong.
interesting?
because i don't think many think that way now.

i see freedom
its proximity, its chill, yet cosy touch.
what comes after freedom?
therein lies the fear,
but not in the stacks of papers
which i am supposed to fill
to convince some old man in england
who don't even know me
that i may have the potential to further my studies.
By the fireplace, in winter,
far far away in Cambridge,
i hope old men are nice, like in fairy tales,
(ironic, when these old men are out to kill all innocence and hope
and whatever is left in kids, okay old kids like us)
and nice enough to strangers,
strange kids under the rule
of studies.
no, i think they are the big bad wolves.

shucks, ramblings.

am still alive at 7:34 AM



boiling initially
stupid people could accuse you
and i dont even know the real reason
and on and on and on
my tolerance is very high, congrats
i can't care less about the possible
mistakes i may have committed
because the frivolous, insignificant
comments are, then repulsive, now amusing
i regret keeping cool
but im glad i did, despite having the choice of
giving the finger
calmly deliever the four lettered word
or anything that shows that im equally uncouth
i wonder if that is work-life
i rationalised, if that is the most meaningful thing you can find to attain satisfaction
who am i to deny you, especially since im more privileged to more significance things,
i will see it as sympathy, a gift to my fellow friends in the neighbourhood.
there, time to move on with life.
no, i didn't say there aint no third finger the next time round.

am still alive at 7:23 AM



when i think the world hates me,
do i actually hate the world?

these turbulences,
i don't remember being familiar.

am still alive at 8:24 AM



unraveling,
this is the closest i ever get to the edge
or is it?
and everytime it happens
yes, painfully aware that it has happened many times
the sense of denial prompts me to reflect
is the distress worth it?
there is more to life, more to life
though i never asked what the 'more' consist of
until i return to reality and yes
somehow i must get over the mountain
or at least crawl over
nice rain, almost like a MTV
but the pain stays after the song ended
you see, no one really knows how i feel
because i probably dont too, most of the time
i hope God knows,
because i think it's beyond me now.
unfortunately, and fortunately, something in me is still very much alive.
it's okay, He knows.

am still alive at 4:08 AM



hello world,
or rather hello me

You can't make footprints in the sands of time by sitting on your butt.
And who wants to leave buttprint in the sands of time?
Bob Moawad

what happens if i become accustomed and rooted to my desk
forever and ever and ever and ever.

am still alive at 7:35 AM