these piling assumptions and expectations
just make me want to break them all,
to prove failures,
and be a human again.
do you understand?
and my head hurts for no reason,
my heart races for some anxiety i don't understand,
and i'm disintergrating from inside out.
those stupid nightmares signify omens
if i myself isn't one yet,
freak, why is this so hard to pass by.

and no this is not emo, because emo for me comes random.
it's just something, something i will conquer before it does.
at least i still have the ability to laugh, with or without sanity.

am still alive at 5:24 AM



these constant upsets and lifts.
it's perpetually becoming involuntary,
and it's not easy to keep up.
like.. you are standing at a shore, and waves just keep coming in.
just that they are tsunami waves.
what can you do, what do you mean you can't swim?

am still alive at 5:55 AM



unity has changed,
but not the company.
chatted abit with mr. scaredissit,
dinner-ed with su mel aaron dallas daniel eugene val,
catch a glimpse of huimin and dy,
and wonder when i will see them again.

and oh, units alleviate pain.
and uhhh,
all i want to do is replace the previous post with this.

be rational, be rational

i don't feel like talking

am still alive at 11:30 PM



something is very wrong,
no one can do anything.
:(

am still alive at 4:25 AM



to be preoccupied with the worst case scenario, to be uber pessimistic
means that things can turn out to be as expected
or better.

unless nothing happens at all.



if school is going to be like this every week,
i don't know what will happen.

am still alive at 7:47 AM



Having the best of two worlds.
I feel this phrase can adequately describe my super day because across the spectrum of happiness, i had both ends all in ONE day. Unfortunately or fortunately, i had the downs, then ups :D

Let's start from the beautiful morning,
I wasn't late for school (come on, that's a huge achievement)
I didn't forget to bring anything (not too bad)
everything was okay, then
teacher announced that girls are going to have spot check
i wasn't nervous,
my skirt is one of the longest, no ear studs, fringe okay
i told everyone i sure pass the test, i mean there's NOTHING to catch
.
.
.
.
i was the first one to be caught

thinking about it now, it's quite hilarious
but at that point of time, my mind is filled with
**#&*&@^^&(*&&#Y*&^&@%^#$@&
that kind of...accusation, i tell you i can't describe it
(partly pissed because i was just caught the day before for eating SWEET along the corridors, so freaking toot)
So i kept complaining to dr chua about no justice in the world,
that it's so unfair,
that they should just go and die (i didn't say that) because millions skirts out there is shorter than mine!
(no offence to fellow classmates :D good that you guys escaped)
EVENTUALLY, after a few light years sitting there waiting to the spot check to be over, dr chua appealed for a recheck for us :D
i was released!
smell the fresh air of freedom which i deserved~
neh ni neh ni poo poo

horrors came during gp
split class again,
to some ahbeng...oh well, never mind
the point is, i feel so freaking miserable
the real series of unfortunate events

there's plenty minor unlucky stuff,
BUT,
i want to move on the happy things :D
rushed home for kaye's 'party'
was super late,
so i nearly went without makeup despite being in a dress,
i only semi-blowdry my hair,
couldn't find a proper bag
plus millions other details screwed up
the best part is...i wasn't officially late. HAHA

we were eggcited (:


and then, good things came along
first, SEXY KAYE appeared in SEXY PURPLE DRESS

then 18 guys each went up with a rose and danced with her, SWEET
and 18 girls each went up with a candle to make a wish for her, SWEET X2
(well, i kind of wanted to make a longer wish, but...mind blank-ed out)

SEXY KAYE danced a SEXY dance too! oh gosh, i have never seen her like that before! girlfriend you are hot! :D espcially when you hop up into the guy's arm. HAHA

and then the gigantic enormous humongous surprise,
when she had to make a toast with a good friend.
oh gosh, did i mention how much i love you, seriously :D am touched, but once again shocked to say much at that moment :/ but you must know... (you better read this) -- i really appreciated it! i'm just... i have so many thoughts... hiya you know la!

LOVE YOU, TWIN!!!

Then it was food :D yummm

and the 18 treasures, whereby each person went up with a symbolic present for her, and explained the reason behind the gift. Uhh, after seeing that everyone bought her something... our gift seemed a little weird but...

KAYE YOU LIKE IT RIGHT!?
it consists of all our memories!
the poems were hard to pen down,
but tada! the end product is a beauty!
love love love, f4 <3>

Kaye cried so much, haha, well the most i've ever seen
but it's good! tears of joy yeh!
it was a memorable day,
don't think i can enjoy like this in the months to come
it would be sometime before the four of us get together again
not exactly easy to express what i actually feel,
i trust that twin/gf can decipher it :)
By the way, your hp wallpaper is cool.

oh, i'm glad it ended this way
happy eighteen!

am still alive at 8:43 AM



This morning,
i dreamt of a natural disaster
it was so sudden,
it was damn terrifying,
i held to my loved ones
and i nearly ran back for them
it was so vividly real
until i jolted out of my sleep.
My breathing was faster than usual.



and,
i feel this way about tomorrow
shit.

am still alive at 7:19 AM