if you can just see what i mean behind this veil.
but everyone wants others to see theirs first.
the outcome? no one sees anything, they just feel plenty.

am still alive at 4:00 AM



delirium was interesting,
twin you were good! :D
very interesting play, albeit a little short.
it was sort of a mad rush to the theatre,
yes thanks jamie for accompanying me
and what lovely bitchy day it was, haha
-
dinner at glasshouse was cool,
the embarrassing things we just like showering on val
well, eighteenth only come once


thoughts are darting around,
missing my rationality by inches
on the line separating reality and
Fantasies,
i am fast falling, willingly
you see, it doesn't make sense
nowadays things don't anyway.

am still alive at 4:48 AM



with time dripping away,
the signal is weak.
i know i will never falter but
i'm unsure whether i can do it.

Heavy rain,
the storm continues outside.
No lightning, no thunder,
just heavy rain.
but i have no one to shout to above the din
it's just gentle roaring
but no harm done to the concrete pavement
and i wish i was out there
to breathe some of the safe freedom too
and perhaps drop a baggage or two.

the chill won't last.

am still alive at 5:28 AM



if only i can express myself as well as boey kim cheng,
on the other hand, if i can, i wouldn't even be here.
and i don't really want to look like some angsty teen looking for identity

(so which is more important? looking for a purpose or looking for work to do so as to assume the prescribed purpose?)


i think i need a social life
i think i can't have one at the moment

and i need alcohol, haha
and i want to buy the other day until i envisage the counter staff asking for my id in the crowded 7-11, nah maybe next time...

and i need this,
and will get this million million years later...

probably years after i become accustomed to thinking instead of talking, like how recent times have shaped me. it's getting a tweeny weeny difficult, tensed and hard to decipher whether who's true and whether i am at all. and for all the random funny and awkward moments, i have reason to believe i am still a normal being going through the life cycle. meanwhile, i need to get back to my cave :D

am still alive at 8:26 AM